Question:

dating a recovering alcoholic

by Guest8860  |  11 years, 7 month(s) ago

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Hi,
I was dating a recovering alcoholic for 7 months.  He had been  sober for 3 years and drank for 20.  I never knew him when he drank.  We hit it off, fell in love and I thought things were going great.  He broke up with me out of the blue and said he couldn't be in a relationship with me.  When he quit drinking he went to rehab for one week and never received any counseling after.  He also was physically abused as a child.  Now, he has started therapy.  My problem is:  6 months later he says he loves me but can't be in a relationship with me.  I am so confused because I thought things were pretty great.  Now, when I talk to him I feel like I am talking to  a 22 year old.  (He is 41, I am 39).  He loves me, he can't do it, he thinks about me everyday....on and on.  I don't know whether I'm coming or going.  When we were together he was so clear and honest and now I never know what he means when he says anything!  Can you speak to the emotional maturity of a recovering alcoholic?  I fell like I am going crazy!  
Thanks
L

 Tags: alcoholic, dating, recovering

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3 ANSWERS

  1. Mitchel

    It's sad to know that, your boyfriend is a recovering alcoholist and had unstable childhood experiences. i would advice you to leave him for good and stop recieving his calls, it would be better to end up all contacts with him. Otherwise it would become more difficult for you to handle the situation.

  2. Guest22444481

     You two should attend an Al-anon meeting. This sounds like a co-dependent relationship. He gets all the good stuff while you are left to deal with most of the bad stuff. He is emotionally unavailable. He needs to concentrate on his recovery, and I get that but he is dragging you along with him most likely because he is used to getting what he wants without the thought of others. Alcoholic's are typically self centered. I urge you to do what is right for you and don't think you will have any effect on changing him or pushing him to complete his recovery sooner. It is not up to you - his recovery is his job. What is up to you is your own happiness and it isnt found thru him.

  3. Guest22162917

    I can't answer your question - only to say I can completely relate.

    I met my recovering alcoholic two months ago and was instantly attracted to him. In his words, we were completely smitten with each other.  After just three weeks, he told me he had to back off.  Said he just broke up with his recovering alcoholic girlfriend and needed time to himself. One week later, he called me and asked if we could be friends - said he missed me too much to completely cut the ties.  So, that's where we're at today.  We're friends, but it definitely feels like more than friends to me. We talk on the phone nearly every day, see each other at least once a week and do kiss, etc...  He now says he can't be in a relationship because he's not confident in the program yet.  He has been sober for nearly two years.  He is so back and forth with me, it's driving me crazy.  I don't know if we're coming or going.  When it seems like maybe we're moving forward in our relationship, he seems to take us a giant step backward.  He even talks to me about girls in the program...like one he calls a blond bombshell who the guys tell him has a crush on him.  Obviously he's flattered by that, which makes me jealous.  In the beginning of our relationship, he was so open about his feelings for me.  And now, he rarely talks about his feelings for me.  He stresses that we're just friends - and I'm just so confused. 

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Latest activity: 8 years, 11 month(s) ago.
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