yes because she is sapose to hate being spanked and thats how they stop being bad she is never going to learn her lesson if she dosn't mind being spanked.

You need to spank her bare bottom so you can make sure she is not spanked too hard and so you can see the redness so you know when to stop

I give my 12 yr. old daughter 12 spanking on a daily,and nightly basis . She gets 12 spankings with a belt on her bare bottom every morning, when she wakes up , before going to schoool, and then she also gets 12 more bare bottom spankings, with a paddle, before going to bed at night . I also occasionallly will also give her 12 additional bare bottom spankings right after she comes home from school

I think if your 12 yr. old child stil wants a spanking, then do it, but not on her terms. If I were you, then if she wants a spanking so badly, then I would just tell her then fine, you have made your choice, and this is how this is go to work . I will give you a spanking for misbehaving, but you are also going to be getting 12x2 spankings everyday, with a belt and a paddle, on your bare bottom . If you want to get a spanking, then you want to be punished, with spankings, everyday

spank em if they crying they aint dying! lol jk just take stuff away(:

i would spank her
but with a paddle on her bare bottom
usually 15-20 swats
or till it hurts
remember if it dosntt hurt it means nothing

I would continue to spank as long as you feel she is benefiting from it. If it ain't broke, don't fix it!

at 12- its fine, if they
dont listen verbally a minor little
spank here & there does the trick.

My mom spanked me BARE BOTTOMED until i was 15!

You are retarded do not spank her at that age anymore

i think the first answer on this page is CRAZY and mean you probably got punished like that but it shouldnt be for all people loser

If she wants you to continue to spank her, then go for it. Make sure that the spanking is hard enough that she DOES learn her lesson though. At that age, you shouldn't be using your handle. You need to use a paddle. 10-15 swats very hard swats is ideal at this age. My mom usually made me pull down my pants AND underwear when she paddled me so that she could make sure that she didn't bruise my bottom, but also so that she knew she had spanked me hard enough so that I learned. Afterwards, I would pull up my pants and she'd hug me. I knew she cared enough to discipline me.

Well apparently she answered this question for you............it's more than likely not that she feels forgiven after a spanking but more that she'd arther be spanked than be grounded and loose computer time! It seems as if that will bother her more! So if I were you I'd stick to the new punishments......she's gonna try to behave as she wasnts to keeps those priviliges!

stop spanking

No wonder she would rather be spanked--it's quick, relatively painless and doesn't require any real sacrifice on her part. Tell her it's time to grow up and become responsible for her actions--naughty as well as nice. At 12, she needs to learn that actions have real consequences. Institute the grounding and loss of privileges--computer, TV, phone time, etc. Those are real sacrifices for kids her age, not just a quick swat on the bottom.

Hmmm... I would say, stop spanking. Usually, a pre-teen would rather get 'spanked' than losing computer time or grounding. And when grounded, you have time to think about what you did and all that. Also, I think she's at an age, where being spanked by your mom is a little old. And I can see that being embarrassing also for her.

So I would stick with grounding/loss of priveleges.

Hope this helped. GL with your daughter. Also, what does she do that results in an act of discipline?

Yes, spanking is cruel and unusual punishment for a 12yr old.

Ground her.. she's too old for that, and how in heavens name do you get a 12yr old to stay on your knee lol..

I am a "spanking parent" ,too. I try to always find another way to deal with the problem, but sometimes a spanking IS the way it needs to be dealt with.

I have had two twelve year olds and it did seem a little odd to me to have to spank them at 12. I don't think there is anything wrong with it at all, it just felt different than spanking my little ones. It seemed as though it was a little more of a humiliation thing rather than a discipline thing, although they never told me this. It was just my own feelings.

As far as stopping now that she's 12, I don't think there is any set answer for this. I think you have to take the mental development of the child into consideration. Also, how does it make you feel? Are you confident that you are doing the right thing when you spank her at 12? Or, like me, does it feel somehow, not fitting?

Your daughter makes a good point saying she feels more 'forgiven' when she gets a spanking...because when she gets spanked, it's over and it's done with. No long drawn out punishment. However, maybe she needs to have the long drawn out punishment, sometimes. I don't really see that letting a chide pick their own punishment is actually a punishment. In my opinion, if a child has earned a punishment, they have "dis-earned" the right to make a decision on that punishment.

That's just my opinion. Like I said, I don't really think there is a right or wrong answer here and every parent has to evaluate each situation individually.

Yes i think you should not spanking her at least temporarily she has the wrong idea of forgiveness

Forgiveness from a human stand point should never be equated with punishment. Forgiveness is free in human terms .. You should forgive her first and then punish her .. But until she understands the difference dont spank her ...

Besides at 12 there are more effective ways to discipline her ..

Stop spanking her, she's way too old, plus you shouldn't let your kids choose their own punishments, that's asking for more trouble.

I will be the odd ball here because I believe in spanking until 14. However I would use other punishments at 12 first then after it didn't work I would spank with an implement (wooden spoon, hairbrush etc...). Other reasons to spank would also include if my son/daughter decided to act like a little child (if you want to act like a little child you will be treated like one). I also think your daughter is honest I work with children and have seen that a lot of the children need reassurance after a punishment that the matter is closed. It is kind of hard to do that with grounding etc.

Well anyways I hope I helped

Good luck

MLC

Um, yea.... the 12 year old will never learn, if you keep spanking... Spanking became a joke in my house, once we got older, and it appears she is manipulating you. Why do you think she would prefer the spankings??? She is playing you like a fiddle.... If it were "punishment" dont you think she wouldnt want a spanking???? Being grounded or having the TV taken away, used to KILL ME..... A spanking was a joke, by the age of 12....

GROUND HER....... for sure.......

uh im 12..lol..i would take the spanking ,fast,easy,quick,and yuh move on to the computer or something else to keep me occupied..lol

what i do with my other kids when there bad is make them wear diapers and they have to be changed and act like a baby

Well I think you should stop spanking her, maybe think about taking away activities, like if she does girl scouts, a sport, dancing, or anything like that, so she knows until she gets her act together she can't have all the privledges to do extraccular activities. And then when she starts acting right, then give them back to her. It will show her you have to behave/do the right thing, to do what you want!

Shes getting a little old for spanking, and especially the fact that all is forgiven after a spanking, what is that teaching her? That no matter what she does, all she is going to get is a spanking and all is forgiven. So what would you do if you caught her smoking cigerettes (or worse) spank her and all is forgiven? What if she starts sneaking out and having sex? She'll know that if she gets caught all she wil get is a spanking and all is forgiven. See where I'm going with this? There has to be a cosiquence that matches the severety of the offense, and since you cant severly beat her, I would definetely look into other alternatives. Like grounding and loss of privlidges, extra chores. Otherwise she will take advantage of the fact that once the red mark is gone from her butt she can go right back to doing what ever it was she was doing to get into trouble in the first place. When I was younger my friends and I would get into a good deal fo trouble and often get cracks on the behind from the principle, and laugh soon after, but I sure didnt want to go home because i knew when my dad found out I would spend a solid week of doing nothing but scrubbing walls, pulling weeds and the such only to finish up and go straight to my room. He didnt spank me, but I feared his wrath far more than my principals.

She is not too old for a spanking. My own 15 year old is still spanked and it is quite effective with her. However, my 11 year old daughter usually responds better to groundings; though, she still gets the occasional spanking.

Are her spankings still adequate deterrent to her misbehavior? If yes, continue as you have been.

It seems that the sole difference in our procedures is that I take down the panties. My hand could not impact adequate sting unless it were on bare skin.

As usual it depends on the child if spanking stil works use it but if it doesn't then ground her.

My oldest hate being spanked and always try to avoid it (he's 10) my youngest is so so it's more effective if we take his toys away. Different punishments works for different kids it's a matter of us finding out which one...

My twelve year old daughter can handle physical pain MUCH better than she can handle getting her feelings upset. Knowing that, I choose to stick with losing puter rights and groundings. She tends to REMEMBER those things better and that helps her to not make the same mistake twice. You are never too young to learn that lesson. I used spanking as a form of punishment when she was much smaller and she didnt have anything else that she relied on BUT me. The rules to the parenting game seem to change without warning, dont they?

I have to say, I remember when I was little, the last time I got spanked it didn't hurt. It did nothing for me at that age and I wasn't scared of it anymore.

I even remember when my little sister got spanked and she just walked away saying 'didn't hurt!' it was hilarious and I think it showed my parents that that form of discipline was too lenient for even a 8year old.

My son thinks his world has ended when I punish him by banning him from the pc for a week etc.

Your daughter has you under her thumb if you only use spanking as punishment!

i think you should set the rules. at 12, she will hate grounding . taking away her ..things..will be more punishment than a butt spanking . no cell phone , computer , allowance , etc.

that is way way too old

Try just punishing her

A mother spanking her 12 year old daughter? Don't know any reason not to if the daughter misbehaves. And maybe by the teen years you will still want to whack her backside.

The real question, though, is whether spanking your 12 year old daughter is effective!! If she thinks of the spanking as an "easy way out", and goes ahead and continues to misbehave, then probably you need to change to loss of privileges -- cell phone, ipod, etc. for significant lengths of time.

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AND even after a "spanking", she still needs to know and learn to modify her behavior; just having gotten a few spanks doesn't mean she can go ahead and do the same or worse in the future. You might "forgive" her for what she said or did to you ... especially after you have imposed the consequences. BUT don't be so hasty to "forgive" her for what she has done or is doing to herself .... drugs, sex, etc. The "spanking" is supposed to be a "wake-up call" for her to get her life turned around, before she destroys it. A spanking or spankings are NOT the turn-around in a person's life; but it can be a prompting that they need to make changes. They need HELP in making those changes.

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I've suffered a spanking fetish as an adult from trauma from childhood spankings. It's a form of psychological and sexual abuse. Not all kids are injured in this way but the more times you spank a child the greater the risk. This fetish is a sexual addiction and lifelong. I should know I've spent a years worth of therapy dealing with somthing my mother did to me 40 years ago! The latest research is compelling on this danger. Why are you parents ignorantly interfering with your childs sexuality permanently?

Of course she wants you to continue spanking her. It's like 2 seconds of uncomfortablness and then it's over. Grounding and losing privilages lasts longer. Those things will have more of an impact on her and she knows it. At least she is smart LOL

To me spanking doesn't do any good. I would be willing to bet the reason your kids are well behaved is because you are a good parent. You probably have a good style of parenting, you teach right from wrong, you have set rules and consequences, you are probably consistent. You seem to have good communication and a loving relationship. These are things that create well behaved respectful children. What punishment you choose really has little to do with it all. Usually by that age punishment becomes less necessesary anyway because your kids begin to develop self discipline. That doesn't mean they won't make mistakes just the same.

My oldest are 13 (twins) and when they need redirection because of a bad choice I usually have them write an apology note saying what they did wrong, why it was wrong, and what they should have done instead. This gets them thinking about it and has a lesson behind it. Then we talk about what they wrote. Sometimes they lose a privilage as well.

Seems to me something like this might be a good idea with your 12 yr old as well. I really do think 12 is too old to be spanked anyway even though she would prefer that quick punishment, she really needs to have a lesson in the consequence.

Yes, she's far too old to be spanked. She would rather be spanked because her punishment is done with in a matter of seconds and she losses no time with friends, TV or whatever it is she likes.

I really think you need to find a good book on adolescent development, as well as quit underestimating your daughter.

At 12 I think it's time to start having her consequences be more in line with real life consequences since she's about to enter the dreaded teen years and willbe stretching her independence in the real world.

Possible suggestions:

Grounding from the item that got her in trouble, grounding or removal of a valued item depending on the severity of the behavior, and of course, total and complete pay-back of whatever was broken, damaged, or hurt. This would mean your child might have to work off a debt or replace an item or put in extra time doing something to fix whatever wrong she did. This is a true life lesson. It's not okay to say SORRY and think that it's fixed. You still have to do what you can to correct the problem.

Sounds like a good lesson to me and one that will help her learn about real life rules and boundaries as she matures in the next stage of life.