Need help with addiction to Child Pornogrpahy

Wed, 16 Jul 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Hello,

I'm a good person, 20 years of age. I don't litter, I rarely swear, I try not to spit. I am currently studying at university. I love piano, basketball, soccer, tennis and table tennis. I have a younger girl cousin who I absolutely adore, she is 11 years old and lives in another state so I only get to visit her once a year.

Unfortunately there is a dark side to me. I know I am about to confess to a criminal offence but I am here for professional advice and help. I do not wish to be charged with the offence of possession as I do not believe I deserve to have my life taken away for something I stumbled over and got addicted to.

I like child porn, I'm ashamed to say that I download and watch and masturbate to child porn on a regular basis. Child porn can be obtained so easily through peer-to-peer software by anyone from anywhere. All you need is the Internet.

Please forgive me if I offend you, I'm describing it from my view.

I find younger (children's) bodies more sexually attracive, like you might compare the body of a 25 year old to that of a 45 year old. I like the child's soft un-aged skin and their smooth hairless genitals. Their innocence to sex acts and sexual pleasures gets me extremely horny. I would masturbate to it. After I climaxed and possess no sexual desire I come to truly see the how horrible child porn is. I hate to see those adorable little girls get molested by their own father, to be abused so cruelly. I really can't imagine what they'll go through once they grow up to understand what their father did. I can't imagine what I would do if it happens to my little cousin. I really HATE child porn then, I hate myself for watching it. I would then delete it and the next day I would get horny and download more and the process repeats.

You might think I am a sick pedophile, I agree and I want to change. I don't' want to be like this but I don't know how to stop myself. I know child gives the viewer incentive to carry out such acts to satisfy their sexual pleasure. I can feel it too, before I started to tumble over and then getting addicted to child porn I was normal. Now I see young girls everywhere more sexually attracting, I've also have very strong urges to molest my adorable cousin who I love so much. Even if I stop watching Child Porn, I still have many images and scenarios stuck in my head and I would fantasize and masturbate to it. I need some serious help.

My point is that I do find Child Porn VERY disgusting but when I am horny I become totally blinded and completely ignore my sense of morality. I want to get rid of this addiction, I want to change. I want my mind to be pure again. I am afraid that I will destroy a child's life some day especially my cousin's.

How can I help myself?

I'll keep this question public for those who is in my situation to view.

Regards,
David

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Need help with addiction to Child Pornogrpahy