You're actually doing pretty well, but I would cut the number of "chances" to reinforce that you mean what you say the first time. To give effective directives/commands, give one warning, wait 5-10 seconds for brain processing, give the command again, wait 5-10 seconds for processing, then act. You want to give a warning and wait time for processing the information, but you don't necessarily want to give more than two "chances" for compliance- otherwise a toddlers' mind has wandered from the command/consequence, and won't be able to connect one to the other. Also, I like that you are telling her what you want her to do, instead of what you don't want her to do. Saying, "on your bum, please" is much more effective than "don't stand on your chair". With toddlers, you want to make sure you are telling them the appropriate action TO do, so that they know what is expected of them. "Sit on your chair" or "walking feet" is much more understandable to a toddler than "stop doing that" or "no running". So, make sure to state what you want her to do, rather than what you don't want her to do. And, you want both you and her daddy to do the same thing, so that your toddler can't "divide and conquer" the two of you. Agree on your method, and then stick to it. If you decide she gets two warnings and then you act, make sure that both of you are doing that. The best thing you can do with a toddler is be consistent. Unfortunately for the parents, this takes a lot of work and effort to be continually consistent, but it pays off in the long run. My daughters (ages 9 and 4) have been receiving the same technique since they were toddlers, and they are two of the most polite, well-behaved children you have ever met. Why? We put in the effort early on, and now, they hardly ever have to be corrected. I don't worry about how they will act at school, or how they will act in a restaurant, grocery store, or at someone's house, because they know that mom and dad will follow through with consequences of inappropriate behavior. And, I am not talking spankings.... my children have received fewer than 5 spankings in their lifetimes- those are reserved for ultra-dangerous or emergency situations (such as running in the street). Toddlers can test you... but the answer is not a swat everytime they defy you. As a preschool teacher for over 15 years, I have had to learn other methods of modifying children's behaviors (because parents don't like it if you are spanking their child). Stating what you want from a child's behavior, as well as using timers, warnings, and "frontloading" (telling a child what to expect beforehand) are all you really need aside from being consistent. Consistency is the hardest part... you get tired telling a child over and over that they may not stand on the chair- but it takes an average of 21 trials to create a new habit, so keep at it. If you respond exactly the same way for 21 times, chances are that your toddler is going to get the idea that, "hmmm... I guess mom really means it when she says to get down off the chair", and the behavior will stop. To be forewarned, the behavior will increase for a short burst before it stops. A child will test to see if they up the intensity (such as with a tantrum- they will go from carrying on for 10 minutes to crying for half an hour, to see if you will cave). The important part is NOT to cave in, because then you have just started a vicious cycle, where she will test even longer the next time to see if she can get you to cave in. Be consistent every time, and you won't get the extensive limit testing. Stop behaviors you don't want to encourage by giving effective commands, and acting immediately to ensure compliance and understanding. Breaking bad habits takes WAY longer than stopping them in the first place... so put in the effort now to stop it before it starts, and you will have a daughter you will be proud to take in public. Keep up the good work!
For more information on behavior management, you can check out this website that many behavior specialists use:
http://www.vanderbilt.edu/csefel
This website has a special section for parents, and it includes instructional modules that describe the reasons behind behavior, as well as things to do to modify it.